Friday, January 01, 2010

p/s. Happy New Year everyone ((:

3:27 AM

Its been so long since i sat down and thought through stuff.

Its been so long since i met up with my pals and shared a laugh.

Its been forever since i made a new year resolution.

For the year 2010, I promise to try to:

Learn at least 2 new things
Bust my ass in school for Law
Learn Bei Jing opera and strive to perform by Dec 2010
Gym and tone up.
Eat less
Share more smiles
Frown less
Save money!!!!
Be more loving and forgiving
Be more responsible to my parents!!!
Be happy
Be a better friend. Girlfriend. Daughter. Sister.
Learn through my mistakes which made painful regrets

I think that should be all for now. Love's so confusing. Or is it just companionship?

3:22 AM

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

maybe its because time has passed. or maybe its becuase the people around me helped me get stuff foff my mind. its so confusing what i should think or not think. all i know now, is that maybe there's still a place in my heart for someone else.

before i met them, you were my world. but after that, i learnt to let go. the past feels like its haunting me sometimes, like its the monster in the cabinet, creeping out only when i'm so vulnerable to it. it scares me.

metros on saturday was fun. ((: met new friends, old friends, the usual friends. got pised drunk though. HAHA... i had like 7shots and had leg cramps. i was so damn high i dropped my purse and i think my house key fell out. HUR. so had to spend the night at a friend's place. i was so drunk i threw up in his car :$ feel so bad about it, until now even. he had to pull over by the side to let me throw up haha.

that was sweet. anyways, spending the night over in a foreign environment wasn't that bad (unless it was the alcohol acting). woke up and had to rush hom to shower, felt so guilty cuz i had to call jonathan to get my extra set of house keys back HAHA.

so friend sent me back and waited and sent me to work.

sunday. felt so horrid the whole day through... i missed him*L* i dont know why, but i did. anyways, nick texted me while at work so we got to talk like after work.

*L* came by later at night and we talked and watched a movie and talked until we slept. i made breakfast on monday... the same thing happened after mahjong yesterday.

its either i'm going crazy or what. L's been on my "i miss you" list since sat. he's cute. and sweet. and gentlemenly. and things that u can;t describe with words. but i dont think its gonna work out la. cuz like although he asked me for my number before i went off for work, he doesn't really seem that interested i guess.

he can't call/text cuz he owes a huge bill haha. and i added him on fb and msn. so uh, what the hell? do i have to be the one who's so initiative all the time?

if i dont call him after school today, will he call me somehow?

i'm not looking for like a rebound guy. i just want to get things off my mind. the way which i go about doing it might not be right, but still. cuddling in bed over a movie at night before we sleep, that what i want in a relationship. not me on fb/msn/whatever and him on foxtel.

*LYNNT. OMG i have so much to tell you! i miss you girl and thanks for the regular check ins with me!!!

*L i miss you already (:

1:45 PM

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Do you know, I still think about you all the time. I still miss you like hell every single minute of the day.

When I'm not working or sleeping, all I know how to do is cry. I can't even eat or sleep. Baby, where are you? Please at least pick up my calls or call me back.

我真的好爱你，你吾感对我得不得？我的世界真的是为你而扰得，就算大家说你不值得，至少我现在还不觉得。

10:47 PM

So we broke up on sunday. Been crying my eyeballs out (though its not like you care, right?).

Although you've chased almost every single girl i know, thought that my friend looks hot, stare at pretty girls outside your school. I am an idiot afterall. Because even after all these truths told to me, there's still a part of me which misses you.

I miss you hugs, your kisses, you're "I love you"'s. I miss your voice, your breathe, your hugging me to sleep. I still love you.

But I know, you're not worth it al all.

If you could come screaming at me, saying that I can't be bothered to call you. Ask yourself, did you even want me to? Did you look forward to my calls, like i did for yours?

I practically had to pry your mouth open with pliers to hear you say I love you to me. I had to whine for months before you even tried hugging me to sleep. I had to massage you often because you're so tired from driving. I had to cook, clean and do your damned laundry for you cause you hate it. Whatever else I did for you, you know.

Because of my bloody blindness, I owe my mum 4k. I have to owe a year of foxtel. I bought a car for you to drive around. It wasn't a great car, but its still a car.

I gave you whatever i could. I only wanted you to see my efforts and love me still. I wanted you to be happy.

What did i get in return? Lies, Betrayals, What else, I don;t want to know.

Kelvin. I loved you with all my heart. I saved on me so you could spend. Even after the 9 months, the nightmares and the memories. Just tell me you loved me, even if it was just a tiny bit.

Because you took all my confidence away. You tore me apart. My brain is into pieces, I can't eat, I can't sleep. All i do know is cry over you.

And you know what, I know you're not worth it. 黎真系一D都吾值得。但是我的心依旧都好挂住黎。

I know I'm so stupid. I know you won't ever get to read this.

Being torn apart into loving you, hating you and missing you, I don't know what I'll do if I ever see you again.

Please don't ever appear in front of me. You know that I can live without you; could you, without me?

1:46 AM

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Anyways, went to Metros last night, two weeks consecutively rocks my socks HAHA. The second week was better though, being so free from the relationship that made me kinda weary. So the second week i had the pleasure of downing three shots :D and a bit more without getting drunk man. hahahaha. Happyness! Note the pun.

Anyways, yanyan did my hair n makeup. It was kinda fun actually! Being able to be so girly after a long while. Talking about what to wear, when to shop, how things should go. I loved it.

Saw Mr there. Heart fluttered. Cheeks blushed. And i was probably so high i wanted to tell him that i had this stupid schoolgirl crush on him. HAHA. Such a loser, no?

Anyways, gotta run to work. Already missed the morning shift. Andrew's nice enough though. Makes me feel worse. HAHA.

3:59 PM

Life has its ups and downs, its really a roller coaster ride with many different cabins. What happens if the thrill i experienced in a cabin has worn off?

Sitting in that same cabin for the past eight months has brought me a mixture of emotions. I was happy, anry, sad, filled with anticipation, bored, disapointed, and maybe even a tinge of love.

However, the past weeks were confusing. Because i met him. We all met him, and we started talking.

I started working two weeks ago, boyfriend left for HK on monday. His absence was very disturbing immediately. I felt alone, miserable, upset. However, he made me feel so much better. joking with and all.

I want to go for the next cabin, but the memories on the last cabin were so much to think about that i don;t knw what to do.

The next cabin's perfect, although it may be slightly older, but it seems perfect. Much more perfect than the current one. It looks so happy, likeable, people friendly and it gives us that fuzzy feeling in my stomach.

What if i'm in love with someone else?

3:49 PM

Thursday, May 28, 2009

so there's been this big hoo-ha with a fellow girlfriend

lets do some addressing, shall i?

fangyu. i didnt see that msg i left on fb, and im sorry that kel went to smash talk you there. but all the FB drama, wth?

yea, i am pissed, about you planning to move since god knows when; and keeping it from me, and yeah i'm pissed that percy moved in with you to avoid signing the contract. but hey, its 400 a week i'm paying. not you. the difference between 160 and 400 A WEEK is freaking 240 okay? so mum and i quarrelled, and this was one of the shit we were quarelling about. anyway, percy should have told me about how she felt. so there.

and ya, thats out. and no, i still love you, and i dont know how or where this friendship is heading to, but i hop, like in most relationships, that this will only strengthen our love for each other k?

and yes, i love you (though i sound like a freaking lesbian) but lets just try and settle things face to face next time k babe? i guess miscommunication got in our way. and hell, its a big problem that everyone faces.

and since the exams are near, i guess all i can do is try and patch stuff up after.

12:00 AM

Friday, May 08, 2009

i kinda love it when i win these kinda games... hahaha 1 set of flowers n 2 animals, half colour + possible pong of FACAI.

2:30 AM

Monday, March 30, 2009

fredrick lai, i know you've been feeling restless,

sorry i can't help in any way

whatever it is,

please,

take good care of yourself!!

i miss you (:

11:13 PM

Saturday, March 28, 2009

my life's a mess.

school's crazy!! like assignments due every 5 days, major essay drafts and research. its killing! and i can't even find a proper way to release all that shit in me. its like constipation, just that the stress replaces the shit factor, which kinda makes it not-so-gross...

which brings me to the fact about a complain i heard..

everyone loves being in a relationship, but yet its so scary, especially when you don't know what he's thinking all the time! when you need him, he's not there. and you probably by now already realised that he either has very very good female friend(S) or you're unsure that he's so cheating on you. AI. life. so thats the insecurity factor. and then there's the friends. AH. major love-snatchers... ever happens that he says 'i just want some time on my own... and just me and my friends... " wow asshole, what do you want a girlfriend for?!?! when you don't go out on dates-->just the two of you alone! and when you don't remember the date you got together! and you don't do things that boyfriends do aka surprise her with small presents/shit... what happened to the you when you were going after her?? the sweet talks, the sweet things you did. where has it all gone? just becuase you're in a relationship you don't treat thte girlfriend as 'oh, ya, i miss you'... thanks for being an asshole.

i mean what is wrong with you? she's hot (to me lah), or even if she's just pretty. well i know she's smart, definitely! and she's giving you her all. and you aren't treating her the way she deserves it okay? and she's under all the stress from school! you better cherish her before she decides that there's someone out there who'll treat her like a princess!

and everytime you wanna put it down you can't. because the second you think about it, in the same second, you already start missing him. hmmm...

so think to yourself and say, he babe, why settle for less, when you know there's someone out there who will give you his heart and soul?

---------------------------------------------------------

so anyway, school's calling, gotta go work on my accounting test on tuesday, haii, bbye

2:49 PM

Monday, March 09, 2009

my lecturer and tutor pronounces LAW as LOR.

i think they'd fit in great in singapore

8:46 PM